Speak up Mommy!

This time last week, I was admitting Ela into a hospital and scared out of my mind. It feels like that week was so long ago, and just a distant nightmare, but unfortunately it was not. Although it was so horrible to watch my little girl go through what we both thought was torture, I definitely put some lessons in my Mom book. I have been meaning to write a post for a long time about Ela and her asthma (or lack of) and trusting my gut when it comes to diagnoses and doctors. (That post will follow..) My experience last week just affirmed everything in all my thoughts I have yet to put online.

Flashback to two Saturdays ago. We had Ela in the pool at my Grandmothers relaxing and having fun. She was just not herself. Ela loves the pool and was not even playing. 

Within the hour she spiked a 104 fever. We gave her Motrin and hoped for the best. Over the night and the next day the fever continued to spike and the only way to bring it down was to alternate Motrin and Ibuprofen every four hours. Still nothing, so Sunday night we made a trip to the local Urgent Care center. They said every mothers worst nightmare "Its a virus and only time will work". The next morning, my hopes of going into work were destroyed( as well as my bed) when Ela proceeded to tell me " My belly huwrt' as she puked all over my bed. After being sick to her tummy for 4 hours straight we headed to the pediatrician. I thought Strep, UTI and other various infections according to Google. Her pediatrician was concerned about dehydration but said if I could keep fluids in her an IV was not necessary.A jug of Gatorade later and I thought we were in the clear. Ela was just not herself, but I did get the fluids in her..... Oh and yes she confirmed "It was just a virus". Tuesday I got a sitter to come to the house, and the fever was still present. Wednesday I tried to put Ela to school as the fever was minimal overnight...No luck. She started with diarrhea and by the end of the day the fever was back to 103. At this point I called my Boss and explained I was taking Ela back to the doctor in the morning and would not be at work. We headed to the pediatricians office, however my actual pediatrician would be out. I was to see her Nurse Practitioner. She examined Ela and after I BEGGED for a blood test, she finally gave Ela one.Her diagnoses: Rest, all she needed was rest, to try juice, to get her hydrated. I explained I was worried about dehydration and she said she was not concerned. At this point I was FURIOUS! I wished they would just find an infection so I could fix the now 6 day fever and vomiting etc. We headed home, Ela sicker than ever, and me with no answers. Words can not describe how bad she looked. 

10am at the Pediatrician office

2pm at the Hospital

4:00pm getting some fluids...Finally

As you can see I ended up taking Ela straight to the ER. After we got home and I went to wake Ela up from her nap in the car, she was lifeless and could not even open her eyes. I was scared at that point. I didn't care if the hospital thought I was crazy like the nurse practitioner did. I was getting answers!!! Sure enough my Mom gut was right.  I'll spare the details in the ER, but one of the scariest moments of my life was when Ela passed out during the insertion of the IV. Thank god for good doctors to calm both of us down. Within an hour of the fluids getting started, Ela woke up and actually smiled for the first time in days. We were not out of the woods, but Ela was improving..Especially when her best buddy came to visit. The nurses joked how it was the boy not the IV that made her perk up.

Ela and Mac playing on the Ipad

We were transported to another hospital via Ambulance. Although this was not my first choice, the hospital was excellent and had some great doctors and nurses....not to mention it passed my standards with flying colors for cleanliness. Ela ended up staying for a total of three days and was on an IV for two days. It took TWO days for her fluid levels to return to normal. Here are some pictures of my sweet baby...Even sick she is too cute. 

She slept all Thursday and Friday... She only woke up to use the bathroom or when she was restless.

Oh...and the other thing I learned is that being potty trained( as of two weeks prior) really saved the day. Not only did it save the day but throughout this whole process, Ela refused to use her diaper. I was so proud. Being able to collect samples, also prevented other unnecessary medical procedures.

A little hospital crib.

 Later on that night she was finally starting to get some energy back.

We took a walk and played on the Ipad.

My "bed" If you want to call it that...

We were finally released Saturday morning. During the course of her stay, I had Ela tested for every possible  cause of the high fever and ongoing symptoms, but everything lead back to a virus. At least we ruled out everything! It also became a little more clear when one of Ela's littlest classmates ended up in the room down the hall from us. There is nothing quite like daycare!

I learned to ALWAYS trust my gut! I should have taken her for fluids earlier in the week. I feel that we put Doctors' on a pedestal because they are Doctors. We often forget that we know our children the best, even better than we know our own bodies. I am not saying that Doctors do not command respect, but in situations like these, I knew it was not like my Ela to sit on a couch for three hours and not move, or not even want to drink juice or eat ice cream. This was a huge reality check that doctors even make mistakes. At the hospital I had a great doctor, who ran any test I asked. I explained that I had been to the doctor three times that week and had to beg for these tests repeatedly. She responded " Mom you are your babies voice and you brought her here because she is not right". Even when we were transferred to the other hospital, I told the doctor how worried I was. She said " You are your child's voice, you are her advocate, speak up" She is 100% correct and that is exactly what I did. I think after this experience, I will be much more likely to speak up sooner than later and not be afraid.

All is well that ends well....and one week later my little girl is back to her hyper, rambunctious self!

Baby Baran Round #2

So.... Are you in suspense yet?

I was surprised to find out that our gender  scan was scheduled for 16 weeks with Baby B instead of the 20 weeks we had to wait to find out about our little Ela. I will say throughought this pregnancy, I have had NO clue what the sex of this Baby was. With Ela, I knew from early on that I was having a girl from both the old wives tales, my intution, and of course the Chinesse Gender Predictor. My pregnancy this time has been similar to the first as far as the morning sickness(maybe a little better), but the cravings have been completely different. The strangest of all is that I had no intuition about this one! That is odd for me. So I started thinking(yes, I am not good with surprises)...

• The results of 2 out of the 3 quizzes I took were:

There is a 50% chance you are having a BOY. There is a 50% chance you are having a GIRL.

As if I could not have guessed that myself.

• And the Chinese Gender Predictor(Which was accurate with Ela):

The Chinese chart says you're having a boy!

• And the REAL expert on the subject matter, Ela of couse:

Since we told Ela she was going to be a big sister she said that she was going to have a "Brodther" (Brother). About a week ago after we told her that she was going to get to see her Brother or Sister on TV, she started saying she was going to have a "Sista"(Sister). Apparently NO ONE knew what I was having!

If you have not already scrolled to the bottom, I will get to the exciting news!

 We ended up taking Ela to my appointment since her school was on a reduced schedule for the holiday and that was priceless. When she saw the Baby on the big monitor, Tomasz told her that was her baby. She had the HUGEST smile on her face. She waived and said "Hi Baby". MELT. MY. HEART. As soon as we told her what the sex of the baby was she screamed out a name! (which happened to be the name of the doctor as well) That is for another day and another post when we decide but Baby Baran is a .....

GIRL!

This is a crotch shot...Those are legs in case you were confused!

We are so happy and who would not want another little Ela running around the house? I am so excited that Ela will have a built in best friend and someone to plot against Tomasz and I with! We go back in another few weeks to get a peek at her again!

All I want for Christmas....

Is a sweet little baby to cuddle!

 We are so excited to announce that Ela is going to be a BIG sister. 

My first official Pregnancy Post...We are going to refrain from calling Baby B "Our little Peanut" given our family history of food allergies! ;)

**Whats going on this week?!**

How far along? 15 Weeks
How many weeks left? Oyh! To many to count. I think 25 weeks.
Total weight gain: 5 pounds
Maternity clothes? Yes for about 2 weeks.
Food Craving of the Week: Philly Cheese Steak/RaspberriesSleep: Have the snuggle pillow but still up to pee 2-3 times a night
Best moment this week: Shopping with Ela and after I tried on a new Maternity Dress she said "Oh Mommy you look so cute"
Movement: I don't think I am supposed to feel movement, but I think that I have. Even when I had an ultrasound two weeks ago, I was able to tell the tech where BB#2 was....So maybe.
Belly Button in or out? Its still deep in there.
What I miss: I just want to have a beer! Its so hot outside!
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex. JUNE 28th 

Ela's thoughts on the Baby:
* I was explaining that when Santa comes Mommy was going to have a baby. She asked " Is it stuck, why cant it come now"
* As I was getting dressed on day, Ela asked "Mommy why do you hide your baby"
* I was kissing and pretend eating her belly when she woke up one morning. She started tickling/pretend eating my leg and I asked her why and she replied "Mommy I can not eat my Brodther"
*And the best.... I go pick Ela up from school and the teacher asks if I have something to tell her. She said Ela has been talking about the Baby in her Mommy's belly all week. Ela told her " My Mommy has a baby in her belly and it eats alot"



At this point I have no intuition if Baby B is going to be a boy or a girl. At first I thought a boy because I was not as sick, but then came week 10 and it was deja vu all over again. Cravings change weekly; who am I kidding, Daily. I have had a dream about a girl twice this week,but Ela says it is a Baby "Brodther". We will see....

Here are a few bump pictures...I am getting much bigger quicker this time.

13 weeks                           14.5 weeks

Ela bump 16 weeks.

The Ela bump at 15 weeks.

Although I don't have as much time on my hands as last time.. I hope to keep my blog updated until our sweet little one gets here!

"I love you too much"

I love being a Mom. Its just that simple.
This year for Mother's Day I just wanted to be with my little family, and thats just what I did. I tried to teach Ela about Mother's Day and Father's Day and she kept saying "No, Ela Day"  :) So it was really Ela's day.

On Saturday we went to spend the day with my Grandmother. She is Mother of 4, Grandmother to 7, and Great Grandmother to 2. We had a BBQ despite the torrential rainfall mid day. It was so nice to just hang out, eat, and have Ela destroy someone else's house. (Just kidding about the last part) We cooked so much food and Ela successfully went the whole day in her "Big Girl Undies"

First Corn on the Cob



The next day we woke up, Ela jumped in our bed and we had some Baran family snuggles before church.  We headed to church, and then off to one of my favorite brunch spots. I am proud to say that Hubs and I both forgot our cell phones(by pure accident) so I have no pictures, but we had such a nice time without technology for a few hours. Brunch started to get challenging without the go-to Elmo videos but Ela survived the way we did as kids and just made a mess of the table.

The rest of the day, I had planned to get my nails done and have some quiet time, however it was so nice outside that I wanted to enjoy the park with Ela and Tomek. There is always next weekend!

We came home, cooked dinner together and then Tomasz and I curled up and watched Safe Haven. I have been wanting to see that move for a while.

 If you follow me on Facebook, then you probably already read the best part of my day. I went to go take a bath and relax for a few minutes while Tomasz entertained Ela. While sitting in the bath, I hear Ela in the other bathroom and Tomasz trying to rationalize with her.(Which never works for the record). He finally gave in and Ela comes running into my bathroom. With the biggest,  proudest grin on her face she says "Mommy I brought you toys" as she plops them in the tub. By this time Tomasz came into the bathroom and she is half undressed with one leg in the tub. How cute is she? What amazes me is her genuine sweetness. She really wanted to make me happy. (And that she did) I cried like a baby. That night when I put her to bed, I told her how sweet she was and that Mommy was happy she thought about me. Her reply " I love you too much Mommy".  Need I say more.

Away we go!- London 2013

So much like everything else in life lately, this post is a little late. A month to be precise. Hubs and I love to travel and when we found out we were pregnant with Ela we decided that our family would learn to love to travel too. We travel any chance we get, but once a year we usually try to take a trip overseas. Typically it is by ourselves around our anniversary.(May 9th) This year I (we ) could not bear the thought of leaving Ela for a few days and decided to take her with us. Flash forward to standing in line in the post office getting Ela's passport.

Doesn't it look like a baby Mug shot?!

And away we go to London! Although Ela has racked up the frequent flyer miles over her two years of life, this was going to be the longest flight. 8 hours is even long for me! I was armed with the Ipad with tons of new apps, coloring books, snacks, stickers, and a new Dora etch a sketch. I figured the way home would be the hard part because it was a morning flight. Quite the contrary;on the way there we left at 8pm and she did not fall asleep until 12am our time.She did great on the way home, and fell asleep as soon as we took off for 4 hours. The even bigger bonus is that she woke up with a dry diaper and did not go in her diaper once the entire flight...Not sure if she just liked going to the plane bathroom but ever since she is almost potty trained!(Sorry for the excited parent segway...Diapers suck) I dont know why she could not sleep,this girl had it made on the flight....

When she finally did fall asleep, we were able to carry her off the plane and she slept the hour wait in Customs and the hour train ride to our hotel....

We had a great trip, however Jet Lag really kicked her cute little behind.

Check out this video of her falling asleep at lunch.

Sleepy LIttle Ela-London

Once we all got showered and slept a little, we went out to see  the town for a few days.

The London Eye...It was HUGE!

Grabbing some lunch at a British Cafe--CHEESE!

She takes after my heart. Ice Cream

First taste of Sprite

Big Ben

Little Girl in a Big World

London Bridge is Falling Down...

A local Zoo...

Dont Worry its Decaf! 

Probably the highlight of her trip...She loved these little cars.

We all had a great time, but boy were we exhausted when we got home. At the end Ela kept saying " Ela go to her house".  Coming home was so much easier as far as the flight and recuperating from jet leg. We just kept Ela up to her normal bed time and she slept for 14 hours straight! Traveling with a toddler overseas is  a different experience. Our trip that normally consisted of first class, sleeping in and bar hopping now consisted of coach, early rising, Zoo's, parks and toy car rides :) I wouldn't have it any other way! <3 I feel so blessed to be able to teach and show her new parts of the world.

Whats in my head...Round 2

A while back I posted the goings on in my head. Here goes round two.

• Two is terrible AND terrific all at the same time. A toddler can go from "Mommy, I love you" to hysterical crying, throwing herself down on the floor in the snap of a finger. No Joke. I never know what I am going to get. It is so wonderful to me that I can carry on a conversation with Ela, she can tell me what she wants and needs and just is learning the world. All in all it is much more terrific than terrible.  90% of the time it is absolutely hilarious. The innocence in all of her statements is just so basic and funny. The best ever is hearing her say "I love you" 10 times a day.
• Law of Averages: First day you start a new job/position your child gets sick?! How does this always happen? As soon as Tomasz leaves after the weekend to go to work Ela gets sick... Im telling you it has to be planned!
• The other morning I was on the phone with my Dad while walking to work, telling him that it had snowed the previous evening. I reminisced that as a kid growing up in NY even if we knew it was going to snow it was such a great feeling to wake up and run to the window and look out and say "Its snowing". I then told my dad the only thing better than waking up to snow myself was to seeing Ela wake up and run to her little window in the bedroom and say so exited "Its schnowing(snow) Mommy". It really made me feel like a kid all over again and her pure joy made me so happy. As I was explaining that to my Dad he said. " Jessi, that's how it makes me feel when I see you happy". I stopped and thought about it and although I know I am my Dad's daughter it kind of clicked. I am someones daughter and I make them feel like Ela makes me feel. Thats the circle of life.
• You are what you preach: Being two is a period of learning and stating everything that you learn. I mean EVERYTHING! I might as well have a little tape recorder follow me around all the time. I stubbed my toe the other day and I said "Crap" ( I have greatly refrained from saying other more appropriate words in this situation) So what does Ela do? Walk around the house saying CRAP for the next 20 minutes until I convinced her that was a bad word that needed to be washed(with soap). But at the same time, if you follow me on Facebook you probably read the story about how Ela tried to share her umbrella with me when I was getting wet. Moral is kindness is underrated and hard to teach. In reality she had to have learned it from somewhere. Good or bad we inadvertently teach our children who to become. I am going to add that to my resume which should trump all the other Qualifications I have!
• I Love the Food Processor. I swear that I have processed everything possible lately ... Its a great way to hide all the yucky stuff Ela never wants to eat.
• I HATE food allergies.(This is a two part thought..err rant) Ela was tested again in January. She tested positive for peanuts and sesame and negative for tree nuts this time...Big Progress! So I was tasked with feeding her the tree nuts to help her outgrow her allergens slowly. Last Friday with the husband and Dad(aka Ela's grandpa) for moral support, we tried Honey Nut Cheerios as suggested by the allergist. No severe anaphalitc attack but red cheeks  DAMIT! Now off for some blood testing to figure things out....That's just the normal rant of a mother with a kid with food allergies but now to the annoying part. We were at a birthday party today and they had several items that Ela could have been allergic to. One of which was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A fellow toddler was walking around toting a PBJ sandwich in hand.(and all over the face and then on the toys) We pulled Ela away from the child and immediately picked up the toy to wash it. The parents asked if something was wrong? We politely explained that Ela had a severe food allergies and we did not want her to accidentally get peanut butter on herself.A few minutes later I heard the mother saying " Why come to parties like this  like this if their child has an allergy". OUCH!  Seriously! Not sure what to say on this one... What do you think? I guess ignorance is bliss.

The Mom Button

I don't write as much as I would like to. I think the reason is because I am a Mom. 90% of the time it is because I just simply don't have the time. The other 10% of the time is because I would rather be spending time with Ela and I don't want to make the time. What prompted me to write this post, was the fact that I am so busy, but still find the time to get more done that I did before I was a mom.

Five or even three years ago, it was just me, Ozzy and Tomasz. Tomasz travels 3-4 days a week and Ozzy is as low maintenance as they come.(until Ela came along but that's a different story) All I had to worry about was myself.Even then I had to make lists to remember to get things done and force myself to clean the house or go to the gym. You know the stuff that no one really likes to do. Now with my little family and less time, it just seems to get done. I don't have time to think about how much I don't want to do it or how tough the times are that I am going through; It just happens because it HAS to happen. I wake and within 1 hour I am out of the house with lunch packed, and a Mom and toddler showered, dressed and ready for the day. On my lunch break I go grocery shopping or make doctor appointments. I get most of my emails done on my Iphone  on the train and have the house clean again(Yes again) before 9. Randomly throughout the day I will reach in my bag and find Ela's toy baby bottle instead of my wallet, or a hair bow in my pocket. I probably even have remnants of  Ela's breakfast on my suit, that my colleagues are kind enough not to point out.  This is my life now; I would not have it any other way.

We all dream about being a Mom as little girls, but when do you really become that "housewife" or a "mother". I swear one day it just clicks. Its like the proverbial placenta. After you give birth, you then pass(I don't really know what happens with it), I guess pass the placenta and that signifies your body to make milk for your baby. I will admit the first few weeks and sometimes even in the first year I had no clue what I was doing as a mom....Or at least THOUGHT I had no idea what I was doing. In reality the "mom button" always kicked in and I (we) figured it out.

Not in the instinct sense but also in the physical sense so much has changed. I cook almost every night(which NEVER happened before). I truly thought I would make the worst wife at the age of 22 because I just could not stand to cook. Now I enjoy it and am always trying new recipes and new ways to sneak in veggies. The same applies for our home. I have this new found OCD for germs. I never was like that until Ela  managed to pick up every single bug, virus, or rash known in the medical dictionary.

So when does it happen? I always wanted children but never thought that I could be the mom that I am today. I even surprised myself. Not that I am tooting my own horn, but my daughter has chunky legs, is  happy and always laughing so I feel like I am doing something right. Not sure when, but it happened. I had a dear friend of mine loose her daughter when she was 8 months pregnant. She never got  to meet her little Angel, but she blogs as a way to express her emotion and grief. She is a mother. The way that she writes is heartfelt and although many others would relate with her grief, mothers truley can relate and empathize with her because she felt the love of a mother. My sister in law laughed and could not believe the day that at Ela's christening(3 months old) and she spit up and I just reached my hand out and saved a near bulls eye from my husbands suit. A few months later when she had her own son, I saw her do exactly the same without thinking twice. It just happens. When given the choice to go out and have fun or spend the day with my little family... it always goes back to being a mom. We crave a break, but after 15 minutes we miss our little one.

I don't know what prompted all of this thought, but maybe its because I finally feel somewhat in control after  bringing the sweetest newborn into this world. At the beginning we dealt with  colic, eczema, allergies, asthma, terrible twos and whatever is to come in the future. I still know how blessed I am no matter what comes by way. It all works out. All of the hard work, sniffles, coughs and late nights all turn out ok when you see the sweetest little smile staring into your eyes... Plus they don't know what the right way is ; to them whatever you do is perfect.

The sincerest form of flattery is imitation.