Five or even three years ago, it was just me, Ozzy and Tomasz. Tomasz travels 3-4 days a week and Ozzy is as low maintenance as they come.(until Ela came along but that's a different story) All I had to worry about was myself.Even then I had to make lists to remember to get things done and force myself to clean the house or go to the gym. You know the stuff that no one really likes to do. Now with my little family and less time, it just seems to get done. I don't have time to think about how much I don't want to do it or how tough the times are that I am going through; It just happens because it HAS to happen. I wake and within 1 hour I am out of the house with lunch packed, and a Mom and toddler showered, dressed and ready for the day. On my lunch break I go grocery shopping or make doctor appointments. I get most of my emails done on my Iphone on the train and have the house clean again(Yes again) before 9. Randomly throughout the day I will reach in my bag and find Ela's toy baby bottle instead of my wallet, or a hair bow in my pocket. I probably even have remnants of Ela's breakfast on my suit, that my colleagues are kind enough not to point out. This is my life now; I would not have it any other way.
We all dream about being a Mom as little girls, but when do you really become that "housewife" or a "mother". I swear one day it just clicks. Its like the proverbial placenta. After you give birth, you then pass(I don't really know what happens with it), I guess pass the placenta and that signifies your body to make milk for your baby. I will admit the first few weeks and sometimes even in the first year I had no clue what I was doing as a mom....Or at least THOUGHT I had no idea what I was doing. In reality the "mom button" always kicked in and I (we) figured it out.
Not in the instinct sense but also in the physical sense so much has changed. I cook almost every night(which NEVER happened before). I truly thought I would make the worst wife at the age of 22 because I just could not stand to cook. Now I enjoy it and am always trying new recipes and new ways to sneak in veggies. The same applies for our home. I have this new found OCD for germs. I never was like that until Ela managed to pick up every single bug, virus, or rash known in the medical dictionary.
So when does it happen? I always wanted children but never thought that I could be the mom that I am today. I even surprised myself. Not that I am tooting my own horn, but my daughter has chunky legs, is happy and always laughing so I feel like I am doing something right. Not sure when, but it happened. I had a dear friend of mine loose her daughter when she was 8 months pregnant. She never got to meet her little Angel, but she blogs as a way to express her emotion and grief. She is a mother. The way that she writes is heartfelt and although many others would relate with her grief, mothers truley can relate and empathize with her because she felt the love of a mother. My sister in law laughed and could not believe the day that at Ela's christening(3 months old) and she spit up and I just reached my hand out and saved a near bulls eye from my husbands suit. A few months later when she had her own son, I saw her do exactly the same without thinking twice. It just happens. When given the choice to go out and have fun or spend the day with my little family... it always goes back to being a mom. We crave a break, but after 15 minutes we miss our little one.
I don't know what prompted all of this thought, but maybe its because I finally feel somewhat in control after bringing the sweetest newborn into this world. At the beginning we dealt with colic, eczema, allergies, asthma, terrible twos and whatever is to come in the future. I still know how blessed I am no matter what comes by way. It all works out. All of the hard work, sniffles, coughs and late nights all turn out ok when you see the sweetest little smile staring into your eyes... Plus they don't know what the right way is ; to them whatever you do is perfect.
The sincerest form of flattery is imitation.
