Finding the Room

Before I became a Mom of two, one of my worst fears was will I be able to love Julia as much as Ela. I love Ela SO much, so how could I possibly love another with the same passion?Along came Julia and instantly, my heart expanded how I never thought it would. Problem Solved. Its funny how all through I pregnancy, my type A went into overdrive and I planned it all out(or thought). The only problem is that I never realized how much would happen that I could not prepare for. How was I going to be able to share my love evenly? Did it even need to be 50/50 all time time?

At the beginning I tried my best to divide my time, not my love, for my two girls. It was very hard as Julia was a newborn and naturally needed more of Mommy. While Tomasz was around alot, and helped a ton, there are just some things that only a Mom can do. I heard/saw some of Ela's cries for attention, some much more entertaining than other. Let's just say she is REAL creative. Finally, once Julia started sleeping through the night and was not fussing all the time, I was able to devote time for Ela. I made her feel important, took her to get our nails done and have our breakfast. All was starting to get back to our normal life, ....that was until recently. Ela really started changing and I had no clue why. I could chalk most of it up to age. Who were we kidding? Being a "Threenager" gives the Terrible Two's a run for their money. Throw a new baby to the mix, and its a cocktail for a disaster(which requires Mom to have one too).. I  tried everything in the meantime; Positive Reinforcement, Punishment, Time out, revoking privileges. Nothing would work. I then got creative.

When we got engaged, Tomasz and I were gifted "The 5 Love Languages" by my Dad and Stepmom.  In all honesty,(sorry dad) I did not read it until we got back from our honeymoon. I was between jobs and finally had some time on my hands. This book had a huge impact on my life. Of course it better helped me understand my marriage, but it also applied to every relationship in my life.   If I had to guess, I would have thought Ela's love language would have been Words of Affirmation. I knew there was a Children's Edition and there could not have been a better time to read it. I started reading the book and really surprised myself.

I will not say that this book solved all of our challenges, nor will it in the future, but it gave me the ammunition I needed. Everything I thought I was doing right, was almost counterproductive for my little Ela whose love language is Quality Time. It started hitting home;the quantity of time did not mean anything to her if she was not getting the one on one attention she craved. The book disclaims, that it is hard to tell a young child's love language, however Ela was really good at giving me a clue. After having the Ipad privileges revoked for 3 days, when returning home I asked her if she wanted to play with the Ipad or have a picnic on the floor with me. She picked me, even over the Ipad! Duh Mom!

Lesson learned. The obvious isn't always the solution.